The problem: My child regularly forgets homework or loses homework.
Take time to think about what’s really going on.
Do: It may feel like a problem of carelessness that just needs a good dose of nagging to fix. But kids lose and forget their homework for many different reasons. It could be they’re struggling academically or their closest friend started eating lunch with someone else. It could be something more practical — your child writes down the assignment the teacher verbalized and got it wrong. So before talking to your child, reflect on what might be happening during your child’s day.
Be prepared to be surprised.
Do: You might think you know what’s going on. But approaching the issue with real curiosity will help you discover the deepest truth, which will in turn yield the best solutions for your child. For instance, if you simply think your child is disorganized and never find out that your child actually just has low opinion of their intelligence, all the reward charts and day planners in the world won’t solve the problem.
Don’t outsource the issue to the teacher.
Don’t: It’s great to ask the teacher for ideas. But it’s also important to think less about school work and more about life lessons. Think of it this way: it’s an opportunity to work with your child to solve a problem that’s making their life difficult. In the process, you can model patience, problem solving, collaboration, and kindness.
Say what you see without judgment.
Say: “I’m seeing you’re having trouble getting your homework done and turned in. I want to help.”
Invite your child to share their side of the story.
Say: Let’s talk about this. Tell me what you think is happening? What do you think is making this hard for you?”
Offer help wholeheartedly.
Say: “I know we can set you up for success! Let’s think about three things we can do to help change this situation.”
Don’t say
“Homework is important! Next year it will be an even bigger deal! So you need to focus.”
Why this approach to forgetting or losing homework matters.
Talking about how important homework is may work for a few kids. But for most it will only turn up the volume on their stress. Homework struggles are often a sign of being overwhelmed in some way. Your child could be struggling academically or socially, overscheduled, sleep-deprived, or have a learning issue that affects organization. Your reactions can add to their stress and won’t help solve the problem.
