Problem: I feel like I’m nagging my child 24/7.
Check in with your own emotions.
Do: Take a moment for yourself. Seems like you’re pretty frustrated with your child’s behavior. Tired of nagging? No wonder; it rarely works. Instead, try something practical, like leaving a note above the sink reminding your child to rinse and load their dishes instead of saying it AGAIN.
Think about the causes.
It could be something deeper. Your expectations could be too high. Or maybe you’re having trouble communicating effectively. If you’re always frustrated when you ask your child to do something, chances are your emotions are getting in the way of your message.
Try positive discipline
Rather than punishing children, which only causes disharmony and conflict, the goal of positive discipline is to create a mutually respectful parent-child relationship. Positive discipline is a child-rearing method that fosters positive behavior to help children learn problem-solving, self-regulation, and social skills. The core tenet of positive discipline is that no child is bad. Instead, there are good and bad behaviors. The idea is to teach children the difference and how to make good choices.
Don’t do stuff for your child.
Don’t think you can solve this by doing more and saying less. In the moment, it’s easy to think, Instead of nagging I will just do it myself! But that creates an even worse problem: kids who can’t take care of themselves.
Imagine there’s no nagging… it isn’t hard to do.
Say: In a non-confrontational moment, tell your child you don’t like nagging and don’t want to nag anymore, but you need to find a way to get them to pull their weight. Paint a picture of family life without nagging. Ask your child what they’d do if they were in your shoes and problem solve together how they can fulfill their responsibilities.
Nagging + whining = no fun for everyone.
Don’t say: “Do you think I want to be this crazy person who talks about wet towels on the bathroom floor and forgotten math homework all the time? Why can’t you just listen for ONCE?”
Why this approach to stopping nagging works
You have to grapple with two truths to solve the nagging issue:
- Most kids need repetition to learn. This is a secret known by all great elementary school teachers. Repetition is their friend. Routines, visual reminders, and stated rules are all important elements. Repetition and reminding isn’t nagging. Nagging is born from frustration.
- By continuing to nag, you teach your child that nagging is normal. Your child will learn to tune you out and nag you back. Take a problem solving approach: ask for their input and include it in resolving the issue at hand. If they miss the school bus again, give them an opportunity to figure out how not to be late next time. Remember the goal is to prepare them to be functioning adults.
