The problem: My child tells on their sibling about things that didn’t happen to get them in trouble.
Calm the waters.
Do:
- Stay calm. Ask each of your kids to share their perspective. Focus on helping your kids build a better relationship.
- Empower your children by teaching them to have direct conversations with their sibling about difficult feelings. This is an important life skill.
Don’t ride the roller coaster.
Don’t: It’s easy to jump to conclusions or overreact, but it’s best to resist that wild ride.
Say
“My sense is that you are angry with your brother. Maybe you think something isn’t fair. I’d like you to talk to him about it. Tell him how you feel and what you’d like to change. Would you like to have that conversation just between the two of you, or would you like me there?”
Don’t say
- “Are you lying again?”
- “You’re just like my little sister was.”
Why this approach to sibling tattling matters
- Put-downs and comparisons are never helpful.
- Deceptive behavior can spring from a lot of confused, unexpressed emotions. Kids may not feel emotionally safe, so they create drama that will assure them attention or love.
